new resolution

almost 2 more days and a new year will start.
i will not wait to make a resolution then, i did yesterday.
I'm really thankful for the events that showed me the value of myself and others in my life.
the slap to my face that i ( literally) got on my face woke me up, again.
been wasting my energy worrying, thinking, dreaming....waiting
and then, was neglected.
not on purpose maybe, yet it hurt me a lot.
yesterday all day long i was in shock, i felt like nothing.
i don't want to feel like that anymore.
it seems that i'm a very selfish person...guess what? I am!
i'm the one whose going to be beside myself all life
i'm the one who will die alone no matter how many people surrounding me
i'm the one who will be judged in my grave by Allah, alone.
in the day of judgement, no one will carry my sins for me
if i go to hell or heaven, i might not be there with the people i love, and when i do; it's unlikely to in the same level.
i was sad for a long time... now its time to stop.