Happy Birthday!!

or not...
20th September, one day after my " supposedly " Happy birthday, I had a massive SLAP to my face.
In a form of a joke , kind of.
After being REALISTIC all my life, i've fallen into the believe, the dream that will never come true...that is to be wanted by anybody of course.
when someone who works with me, walks into my office on  the beginning of the day, ruining my day by getting my hopes up.
Good that I had almost the whole day to argue with myself, to drag  myself DOWN to the realization, that : HEY! WAKE UP!  WE'VE AGREED NOT TO DREAM ABOUT THAT,REMEMBER?  then I answered myself : YEAH, how can I EVER forget?
I believed, like the idiot I am, that Me, after all those years, will still be wanted somehow.
Truth is, I've never been wanted! Why believe now?coz, guess what? I'm not a dreamer.
Believe it or not, the next day there was a call...asking about someone else!I wanted to laugh so loud.
But I loved myself that day...I didn't cry, nor gut hurt.
I felt sorry for my heart...you can actually hear it breaking down between my ribs.
those slaps, jokes, humiliations will surely tie you down to the ground, cut your wings, making sure while wiping their hands clean from your blood that covered  their hands, that you will never think of dreaming again. Its like an ear twist, a warning or a reminder for the rest of the year.
And I? I am truly thankful for them, hard to believe !
My wings are growing old and weary anyways, incapable of carrying my heavy body.
they are reluctant, they KNOW that they are not good enough, to follow all the birds, bees and butterflies, that left their old homes in search for a new one.
This Birthday will surely be my best.
I'm really thankful for the slap that I had, it had really woken me up when I was about to doze off.
Telling me that I'm not born for pinky, girly dreams.
That I'm not born for the luxuries and necessities of life.
That we are ALL not the same, that we shouldn't dream of the same.
that we shouldn't dream at all.....